Animated Atrocities 110
Transcript You may remember that I have talked about Da Boom Crew before. I put it as #2 on my top 10 worst cartoons of the 2000s. Let me put that in perspective: Da Boom Crew is one of the worst cartoons, of one of the worst decades, in animation history. To describe the show: it is one of the most offensive, worthless pieces of shit that I have ever seen! It is in the top 10 worst cartoons that I have ever seen. Episode upon episode of this trash I've tried to watch. It's filled with blatant ripoffs, blatant pandering and, most of all, blatant stereotypes and possibly racism! For kids! Buckle up, because this is a wild ride with no way off and I'm not too happy about this one! The first few frames of the show do make it look promising. There's a kid in space firing a laser at a monster, while he calls his brother to help him find a game cartridge. Unfortunately, we're about to go downhill really fucking fast. Nate: Don't trip, Justin! I'm all over this this boom cart. And here, we have our first major problem with the series: our main characters talk in the most annoying, obnoxious slang that you will ever hear! It's obviously outdated now, but was it outdated in the 2000s, when the show came out? I mean, that was 10 years ago! Jubei: Haha! Gnarly half-pipe! Well that slang dates back to about 1995, maybe 1985. 10 to 20 years before Da Boom Crew came out. Nate: Tony Hawk it later, homie! Yeah, remember back in the early 2000s when you and all your homies were Tony Hawk-ing it all up over the spleez? Uh no, because that never happened 'cause no one used any of this slang ever. Tony Hawk was never a verb in slang! The writers just jumbled together a bunch of words they thought sounded cool to pander to kids. And, uh, there are many unfortunate implications about this! It's great that you're trying to have a diverse cast, but when every character talks like an obnoxious stereotype it doesn't reflect very well on you! So two of the main characters are black characters. And they're both token black characters! Despite being the main characters of the show! I-I swear these characters are written like the people behind the show have never seen a black person before, and have only heard about them in legends and fairy tales. How do you fuck up this badly?! Jubei: Ooh yeah. Can't touch me! Do you mean, "Can't Touch This"? Hammerman still pops with the kids, right? He's gotta be tops. I'm sure dropping it down with them groovy beats! Jubei: Dude, your fakie McTwist needs some serious practice. Seriously, can I get the subtitled version of this episode? You know, the one that hints the characters might be spouting dialogue that is understandable SOMEWHERE on Earth?! Justin: Ricki, what's up with the net? Ricki: babble ... to be operational any moment. Justin: '''What? '''Ricki: The net. The one character who doesn't speak in incomprehensible slang, talks in technobabble, that they indeed had to make up themselves. This is supposed to be a running gag where she calls these common household tools, like a wrench or a hammer, these made-up, sci-fi words. And it's tied into her character! You see, she's a token too; she's the token nerd. Because NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE ANY GODDAMN PERSONALITY! 'These two characters here, are written and act almost exactly the same on the show! Which, once again, can be taken the wrong way very fast! Also, does this look familiar to you? Yeah, this show tries its damnedest to rip-off ''Samurai Jack. Samurai Jack, if you don't know, is my favorite cartoon of all-time. So you might imagine that I'd be pretty pissed off to see it badly stolen and placed here. "Hey, this is popular with the kids. Let's blatantly steal stuff and, then maybe, we'll be the most popular cartoon of all-time!" How'd that turn out for you guys? [Da Boom Crew only made it to episode 4 before it was cancelled. Allen Gregory did better than this shit.] Yeah, a show with hefty unfortunate implications that does nothing but pander. Can you imagine a show like that making it big? [smash cut to Breadwinners] Huh, maybe Da Boom Crew was just too ahead of its time. But back on topic, the concept of Samurai Jack is that an evil sorcerer sends the only person who can defeat him, with the only weapon that could possibly defeat him, thousands of years into the future so he can get powerful enough to stop the samurai. Here's the concept of Da Boom Crew; you're-you're gonna love it! Four kids design and build a video game. Then one day because BRAGAFLAGAVADA, they're teleported into a world that looks identical to their game and yet, they are constantly surprised by everything and they don't know where anything is. Let me repeat that for those who have brain function that reasonably states that this is too stupid for anyone to reasonably consider: these characters are in a world that looks exactly like a video game that they built, it was described as identical to a video game that they built, but they do not know where anything is and they're constantly surprised by everything they come across. If I got pulled into a video game that I'' made -- well, to be honest, I'd probably kill myself to get it over with as quickly as possible -- but at least I'd know where all the goddamn secrets are! I don't think I've ever come across something like this before: ''the concept of this show is a plot hole! Someone, somewhere, had to stop and think about this, right? Oh who am I kiddin'? "Kids are stupid! They'll watch anything as long as we got lots of pandering and we steal things from everything!" Your theme song stole the music from Puff Daddy's "Come With Me". We are 4 minutes in, at the intro, and this show is one of the shows that I respect the least! I respect it less than almost everything else that I've come across. "Ren Seeks Help" had more effort at least. Hell, "Over Two Rainbows" at least tried to do something original. ''I mean it: "Over Two Rainbows" put a ton of effort into doing as little as possible; ''Da Boom Crew put as much effort into stealing other things, because it's creatively sterile and stupid! And it has just as low of an opinion of its target audience as "Over Two Rainbows". When these boom cartridges are inserted into a thing, it makes the bad guys go away and restores the planet to its natural state. Savvy? Good. Let's talk about the bad guy: he apparently wants all of this chaos, and yet his robot wasn't destroyed by them inserting the cartridge into their thing. It goes to the shelled-out remains of the Death Star because "original designs"? "Nah, those cost money and effort, and might give the inkling that we actually '''FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT WE'RE DOING!!!"' '''Then we get introduced to this show's version of Darth Vader. He's uh.... '''Headlock': Zorchy, baby! What's crack-a-lackin'? You know my associate, Gerone. Don't worry, I've been makin' some upgrades. My next crew of bot baddies will -- Zorch: Your excuses... I need those kids out of the way, and I need those energy disks. Why the kids are in the galaxy that they coded, yet don't understand anything about, is never explained. Just one day, a space thing happens and puts them into space with no reason whatsoever, and it look like the space that they coded. Headlock: You've got it all: fame, fortune, evil tyranny. What more could a brother want? Zorch: What I want is to extinguish all light from the universe. You know, you don't have to do anything then, right? It'll happen in, like, trillions of years, as the stars go out and essentially explode. Leaving the universe in natural darkness forever. I'm sad now. So, Darth Dipshit decides that he wants the boom discs for himself. And then we go back to.... Jubei: Yeah! Kickflip 360! SHUT UP! SHUT. THE FUCK. UP! If you wanted to make a show about incomprehensible, skateboarding slang, Rocket Power beat you about 5 years! I'd keep complaining about his lingo, because Every. Line. Of his dialogue is pain to my ears and my psyche, but I want this review to be under a century long. Let me leave it at this: his entire character, in this episode, is skateboards. Skateboards, skateboards, skateboards. HIS BRAIN IS A FUCKING SKATEBOARD! Now, our characters have some downtime. A competent pilot would use this time to establish more character traits in our main characters; things that we haven't seen before. If you want your show to last a long time, you need to make your characters as strong as possible. You're probably not going to make them multi-dimensional in the first episode, but it's good to get as much as possible. Here's what Da Boom Crew does: Jubei this kid does exactly what he was doing before, Nate this kid does exactly what he was doing before, Justin this kid does literally nothing, Ricki and this kid does exactly what she was doing before. You have 22 fucking minutes! And I know less about your main characters than the background characters in other shows that have 7''-minute episodes! '''Ricki': As soon as I bring the Astra Navigator back online, I'll figure out where the heck we are! But I'm going to require an interface-able corrective implement, stat! Beat A wrench, you lugnuts! Okay, why the technobabble? I'm not a handyman, an inventor, or a scientist so maybe I just don't understand this. Why would you give simple tools the most complicated descriptions possible -- of your own device, of your own invention -- when you're around other people who have no hope of understanding you?! And you need their assistance?! I get the intention that this is to make her seem smart; what this actually does is make her seem incredibly stupid to common sense! They figure out where another boom card is and they need a computer, despite the fact that they made the fucking game!! Nate: Yeah, boy! Ricki: Mahalo, Jubei! Time to paddle in! Jubei: Laughs I got an inkling your tootin' the wrong wringer man. I'm not certain the deals is in your visage. Y'know what I'm sayin'? Of course you don't know what I'm saying because slang in animation is stupid! It takes about 6 months to a year to make an episode of television-quality animation, or Family Guy. And slang. Moves. Faster than that! A word of slang will be dead in, about, 5 weeks. Unless you want to make your episode as cheap as 12 Oz. Mouse, any slang you use, should be assumed to be out of date by default! So the kids land on a planet. Nate: What is this? You tell me! You designed the fucking game!! The inventor kid says it's a fruit tree, but it has a Yeti thing inside of it for no apparent reason. You know it just occurred to me, I'd much rather be watching Samurai Jack than this piece of shit! So after a fight scene, some guy runs up to Da Boom Crew. And, if you could believe it, if it's possible, this show just got more offensive. First of all, the space alien, who lives in outer space, talks with a French accent. Blurp: Waah! Get back! I'm warning you, mutant tree scum! later Vegetarian. What a sensible lifestyle decision. A bad, stereotypical one that he frequently slips out of. Also, he's a coward; he's afraid of everything. Every second of this show is uncomfortable in ways that I haven't experienced before this day. I have a feeling this was, like, an accident or something. Like the creators didn't know any better, because they showed no awareness that this kind of portrayal is a bad thing. Just like they showed no awareness that their tokenism and obnoxious slang is a bad thing, either. At best, the Cowardly Frenchman is a painfully outdated joke that's been seen way too much, and makes the show even more questionable. At worst, HOW THE HELL DID ANYONE SIT DOWN, WATCH THIS, AND THINK THAT ANY PART OF THIS EPISODE WAS OKAY!? This alien says that he knows where another one of the boom cards are. Ricki: How long have you been here? YOU TELL ME! YOU DESIGNED THE FUCKING GAME!! Oh wait, they designed the game. So they were the ones who decided the cowardly space alien afraid of everything was French. I-I really don't like these characters! So, we get a backstory: the bad guy did bad guy things to this guy and screwed up his life. It's like a trying to be funny version of a heartwarming story from Samurai Jack. And as a result, we have a piece of shit that isn't funny or heartwarming! Nate: If you were fighting so bravely, how come this painting shows you running like a scared, little girl? YOU. TELL. ME! YOU! DESIGNED! THE GAME!! Justin: We created our own video game where we play heroes battling outer space villains. But one day, we were sucked up by a supernatural vortex and dropped into a world identical to our game! IDENTICAL Do you know what "design a game" means?! Do you know what it means to create a game?! It means that you determine what is in the game! It means that you determine how the game works! And you know what, actually, do tell me: why would the space alien, afraid of everything and trying to lie about his heroism, draw a cave portrait of him running away? I'm beginning to think you guys are shitty game designers! I mean, take a look at another show with a similar concept, Code Lyoko: they get surprised by things in the game, but that's because they found it! They didn't make it themselves! The space alien says that all of his worst fears are coming to life because of the boom cartridge. Also, for some reason, Da Boom Crew is splashed on the episode on various backgrounds. I have no idea why. I mean, I get it, it's the title of the show, and the boom group technically made the game, I think, but it's just distracting. If it's meant to be something like the snail in Adventure Time, that's pretty much always kept out of the way and you really need to go out of your way to find it, and it fits with the environment. Then, they all get attacked by a monster. Okay, well that wasn't very well-animated. And for some reason, the girl doesn't even use her weapon. Nate: I knew I should've got the extended warranty! Get it? Because it's a weapon that exists only in a video game? And there are no warranties for video game weapons? And as far as I can tell, he never purchased it? And this joke doesn't make any sort of sense in any universe? The fight ends when the boom crew member who has the least personality of all of them tosses some jerky aside and distracts the monsters. Pretty much all he does in the episode, really! This convinces the space alien to take them to the boom cart. Meanwhile, Darth Derp is flying around the universe. He also has a band in the spaceship, in a joke that I really don't understand. Headlock: There's nothin' good on this radio. Gerone, handle my villainous mood. plays Headlock: Yes, now I'm feelin' evil! Really, all I'm feeling is annoyed. Seriously, this music is stupid and annoying and it just goes on and on. And the worst part is, that it's loud enough to start drowning out the dialogue! Blurp: Let me see if I've got this right: you're from a planet called Earth, and you made a homemade video game that went boom. Justin: That's why they call us Da Boom Crew Who? Who calls you Da Boom Crew? As far as I can tell, the only people who call you Da Boom Crew are you yourselves. I mean, if you're stealing from Samurai Jack, again, people actually called Jack, Jack before he called himself Jack. Get it, Jack? Blurp: And flung you into this parallel universe that's a lot like your game. Nate: '''Word. Except now, it's for real. '''Blurp: '''And you have to retrieve the missing boom carts, in order to restore harmony to this galaxy. '''Justin: '''Uh-huh. '''Blurp: And you think I'm crazy! Oh my God, pointing out your problems does not make them go away! Kids being pulled into a video game or technology, for whatever reason, is a great concept; a lot of good cartoons have gotten a lot of good mileage out of such a concept. But, Da Boom Crew: THERE IS NO WAY TO DO THIS CONCEPT WORSE THAN THE WAY YOU HAVE DONE IT! The concept of your show is actively going against everything that the show is trying to do. This world is a lot like your game; the space alien knows this. He has admitted this. Why the hell do you need help finding the boom cartridge? You. Designed. The game. You should know. Where it is. Where all of them are, without any help whatsoever! None of you have amnesia. Even if this game was procedurally-generated, you should at least be aware of what you could experience! This space alien is analogous to an NPC with coding, that one of you, at one point, would've had to put in. How did no one realize how stupid this sounded?! The plot of the show is literally a plot hole! It's not that they didn't think it through, it's that they didn't think about it at all! And speaking of absolute stupidity, knowing that everything the space alien is afraid of comes to life, one of the kids asks him everything that he's afraid of! We have another fight scene. Maybe it's just because the show is awful, but I'm getting bored of all the fight scenes. I don't care about these kids, or their objective, or the show! And those are important things to keep fight scenes interesting! I mean, for all you've stolen from Samurai Jack, you would at least bother to do that! I get the idea: kids are supposed to see themselves in these characters' shoes. That's why their characterization is so weak; they're supposed to be self-inserts. It's just... Jubei: You know, Blurp, when I barreled into my first tube, the wave was so aggro I wanted to bail! But, I cowboyed up and shot the pocket. No. Just... no. One of the kids finds the boom cart, but then Darth Dipwad gets to it first. And before he gets away, the space alien starts charging towards them with all of his fears. Hey! Darth Dumbass! Your rocket is right there! You've got a million robots! Why don't you just have them distract Da Boom Crew and leave? Instead, they just stand there and push it back and forward to each other. So, how does putting duct tape on the guy with the helmet stop him from speaking? I know that a lot of other cartoons pull this stunt; I don't care. The worse a show is, the more minor problems you end up seeing, and the less likely you are to forgive them. You see, if Da Boom Crew was good, I wouldn't care about this! But because this show is foul and disease-ridden, even minor problems telegraph themselves to you like a neon sign. Ricki: Just as I suspected: this runaway boom cart was causing all of Blurp's fears to become real. What do you mean that you suspected? It was already outright stated! Zorch: Those kids will not stand in my way much longer. You're right, because your show was cancelled 4 episodes in! Zorch. Will be set free and the galaxy will be mine! lip-sync Oh my God, how could you fuck up lip-syncing that badly? You could have two frames, one for open mouth and one for closed mouth, and it would still look better than what you just did! And then we end it on a Star Wars homage because, "Can't have anything original! Nope, nope, nope." This... this was a tough one! I had an easier time reviewing King Star King. I'm not even kidding: every second of the show pushes your patience. It's not gross, but it's the most obnoxious thing I've ever watched! 90% of the time, you can't understand what anyone is saying, the plot, down to the very concept, is plot holes, and every second, it seems to be ripping off something from new source material. Not to mention the stereotypes make this more than uncomfortable in its own right. I'm going home, 'cause I don't give a shit anymore! Happy Easter! Trivia Mr. Enter: Remember back in the early 2000s when you and all your hommies were Tony Hawkin' it all up over the spleez? Uh no, because that never happened 'cause no one used any of this slang ever. Mr. Enter: Hammerman still pops with the kids right? He's got 'em tops. I'm sure dropping it down with them groovy beats! Mr. Enter: I got an inkling your tootin' the wrong wringer man. I'm not certain deals is in your visage. Y'know what I'm sayin'? Of course you don't know what I'm saying becuase slang in animation is stupid! * He outright invokes the trope when reviewing Da Boom Crew; citing that the leads were all some variation of a stereotypical Flat Character and he didn't care about their journey because next to no identity was established for them, not to mention the Cliché Storm the story was, and the incomprehensible dialogue made them totally unsympathetic and unrelatable. * Mr. Enter considers Da Boom Crew's Jubei's voice as "pain to my ears and my psyche". * During his review of Da Boom Crew: Mr. Enter: It takes six months to a year to make an episode of television-quality animation or Family Guy * MaireadMalesco wanted this review to be Animated Atrocities 100 but Mr enter moved it to Animated Atrocities 110 Category:Animated Atrocities